Friday, July 13, 2007

Angry Me...

Do you realise that u've changed over the years that you grow up? So, when you do, do you wish you can go back to the old you? If she/he[the person you were back then] was a good person... why not? But what if he/she was not? What if suddenly you realised that you have changed back?



or elated?

Mine would be a big regret. For the past year, since an event happened, I think I've switched back to the old me. Always angry, purposely make others angry, and just love the atmosphere when I'm invisible and no one bothers about me coz why? I wouldn't care less. Huh!

But I forgot that it was the sad me. Lonely. No one can come close to me, no one even dared. My EQ again : 0.00. I will never let anyone cross my emotions... never!

Many of my friends wouldn't believe this. "Hey, she is a euphoric person. She needs a tranquilizer, not anti-depressant!"

Well, I wish I'm back to whom I appear to be. I am that person. It's just that for the time being, can everyone just cooperate and let me release my anguish for just another day.

"The strongest among you are not those who strong in wrestling, but the one who controls their anger" - Hadeeth, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)

This is among the sayings (would like to qoute the Holy Qur'an but it's not here with me now and I don't dare to make my own translations) that keep my both feet to the ground, and my lips close enough to make other just surprised.

Oh God, please, take this anger away from me. Please help me remain calm and composed. O Allah, please, make my mind and heart at ease. Please forgive me... and help me forgive others... Amin...

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Am I as Hard as Granite??

Hmm... first thing I thought about blogging was my FS blog. But I've made a promise to myself not to blog there anymore... it's too public. So, let's start here

I was reading my friend's blog just now. Well, we just received our results last Friday. I did enough to gain entrance to uni, but not my friends.... Huhu.. I felt so sorry for them. I wish I could give my place at one uni to them, since I'll be getting two offers. Aaarrggghhhh!!!

Then I realised. Of all the things happened to me, I never cried for a long long time. I used to be a cry baby actually. Almost all the small things happen I cried. I remembered those nights when I was crying till I slept, and my eyes couldn't be opened due to the 'taik mata' sticking like glue.

Re-check. Have I grown strong[my sis used to call me iron-lady] or it's just my heart has turned into stone?? No, pleae don't let it turn into stone.

Ya Allah, please don't let my heart become a stone. Let it harden for me to face the tests you've planned for me. But please, please let it soften with a teardrop of repentence. O Allah, please. Take care of my heart, as You are the Only Owner of it...