Bila ia diketuk... Tok Tok Tok...

Tok Tok Tok... Assalamualaikum!!!!! [harus dibaca dgn gaya kemelayuan kita...]

Familiar? Hihi, who doesn't? Or at least I do that. But I knock only twice, then I barge in. Hehehe, sorry my friends...

But that's not the point.

My last post was December 2nd, a few days before my exams. I misses my parents terribly, with tense from studying and stuff, and my timetable made me kept on missing their calls or that everytime they wanted to call, my eyes would be half-closed as it would be almost midnight...sigh~~

Nonetheless, that has passed. Dah cakap with my super duper uber cute parents (ntah nape, though they are my parents, rase derang ni cute sgt....COMEL NYE MY PARENTS!!!)

Now it's a new me.

For the past month (inclusive the days/weeks prior to 2nd Dec 07), I felt I was knocked numerous times. Someone knocked on my door. The door to my heart.

Firstly when I went to this programme. This ustaz was telling : Know why am I here talking stuff to you guys? To let you guys DIE!

What??? This ustaz has gotta be real. He wants us to die?? Gulp!!!

MATI SYAHID - Cita tertinggi kami

That was among the lines of our Gagasan Nuqaba' back in KMB. Dah lupe ke Munirah? I asked myself. When 'mati syahid' as mentioned again, I felt I was gunned down. How can I forget my aim? [Time ni muka Asy-Syahid Hassan al-Banna flashing in my head] Astaghfirullah. How can I forget what I've lived for? How I can forget what my real dream is? Where did Munirah who wanted syahid go? Da'ei yg syahid di jalan Allah... mane pi da'ei tu? Is she sleeping? Or has she deviated. Nauzubillah.

Second, when my sweet friend gave a tazkirah on a pencil. A pencil has to experience painful sharpening, for it to do its job better. A Muslim has to endeavour thorns, for her to achieve more. Dakwah tu susah... panjang... bersabarlah... Another knock. Why have I been crying so much just because exams, or someone merajuk, or orang buat x peduli?? Whereas for missing my Qiyams, my tadarrus, my sadaqah I have yet to shed tears? Where is the Munirah si kakak semangat yang x kisah susah?? Susah sikit nangis... orang buat x layan sikit nangis... kisah lagi kat orang lain?? Nape x kuat lagi ni?? Allah kisah, x nangis pulak?? Astaghfirullah...

Thirdly... during gathering. Another word mentioned that I've never take heed for a long time.

IZZAH.

Just a name of a friend??

NEVER!!!

proud2bemuslim_girl - used to be my identity. How I was proud of it. Carrying the title a Muslim girl. Subhanallah. How wonderful those times were... Little Khalifah of Allah. But when the email was hacked, I lost it. But did I lose who I am as well? Even when I want to pray at the park I felt conscious. Should I be? Should I be praying while hiding behind the bushes so that others would not see? Where is the Izzah? Astagfirullah... how can I forget my dear friend Izzatul Islam?? How can I prevent my dear 'intan payung' from meeting my heart?

How many things have I forgotten??

But Subhanallah... a prove that Allah swt still takes care of me. Alhamdulillah, He does not desert me when I need Him. He knocked my door, 4 hard times. Each time, the knocks spelled words.

1. Mati syahid
2. Pain
3. Izzah
4. Determination

How did I forget my determination to walk on this path I chose? How did I forget my determination to embrace the pain, walk with izzah towards martyrdom?

Astaghfirullah...I have forgotten a lot of of things...

Alhamdulillah... I have friends who remind me when I forget, though sometimes they never realize...

Thank you my friends...

Thank you Allah...

O Allah, please don't ever let me go astray. Don't let me deviate away from your path. Don't let me pass the honour to become your da'ei to someone else. Help me in carrying out my duties ya Allah... Guide me... guide me... guide me... Ameen...